New Year Resolutions we wish our horses would make…

1. I CAN walk and poop at the same time. I can, I can, I can.

2. I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the arena.

3. I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.

4. My stable is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to pee.

5. I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.

6. I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.

7. I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.

8. I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.

9. I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature’s call.

10. I will NOT bite my farrier’s butt just because it is there.

11. I will not stomp on my mother’s foot and pretend it was an accident.

12. I will not keep attempting suicide because I adore life chez Ned Gowing,I will come to understand that Anglesey lodge is not an equine Barbados…

13. I will not sneeze the moment my human walks past me.

14. I will not buck the moment you do an around the world turn on me.

15. I wont try and steal mints out your pockets.

16. I will NOT confuse my human’s blond hair for really soft hay.

17. I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human’s white shirt.

18. I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within 1 mile radius.

19. I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.

20. I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while my human is mucking my stall.

21. I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.

22. I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t!

23. I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.

24. I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won’t eat or remodel the stable doors or the new fences.

25. I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.

26. I accept that not every carrot is for me.

27. I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.

28. I will NOT jump in the air, turn 180 degrees every time I see a bird.

29. I will understand that rabbits are NOT carnivorous.

30. I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.

31. I will convey my communication so the human will listen to my problem

32. I will get my shoes put on right so they don’t hurt my feet.

33. My digestive complaint will be resolved so I don’t have to kill myself w wood splinters or gulped air. BTW Carrots irritate my ulcers.

34. I will not laugh at or try to tweak the ire of human working with me.

35. I will respect the human when it respects me.

36. I will stop being imaginatively alarmist when ridden.

37. I will accept that the loader has not killed me yet, is unlikely to kill me and therefore NOT a reason to jump all over my human when said loader starts up.

38. I will stop trying to kill myself to gain the sympathies of everyone.

39. I will not lick the cribox off of my stable and revert to Carpenter/beaver type activities.

40. I accept that sometimes it’s windy, that it’s simply a weather event and it does not signify the coming of the end of the world.

41. I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me while hacking just to say “Hi.”

42. I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.

43. I will not poo and lay down in it when I am about to be loaded up for a show and get shavings in my plaits

44. I will not escape from my stable just before a show and run down the muddy field and roll

45. I will NOT have a drink and then shower my human with a mouthful…

If you’ve any more to add we’d love to hear them! Please just email us: info@horseplay.ie

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