Horsey banter, the funniest equine jokes!
My riding instructor said to me during my lesson, “Your horse is suffering from Equine Thrombosis”.
I was puzzled so I asked, “What causes that?”
He replied very dryly, “It’s caused by a clot in the saddle!”
A man has a racehorse who never won a race. In disgust the man says, ” Horse, you win today or you will be pulling a milk wagon tomorrow morning.”
The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, “Why on earth are you sleeping?”, The horse, half asleep says, “I have to get up at three in the morning.”
Q. Did you find my horse well behaved?
A. Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!
Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!
How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable? He tried to stirrup some interest!
Q. How to make a small fortune in the horse industry …
A. Start with a large fortune!
One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: “I think your horse looks pretty good, so I’ll give you €500 for him.”
“He doesn’t look so good, and he’s not for sale,” the farmer said.
The man insisted, “I think he looks just fine and I’ll up the price to €1,000.”
“He doesn’t look so good,” the farmer said, “but if you want him that much, he’s yours.”
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, “You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!”
The farmer calmly replied, “I told you he didn’t look so good, didn’t I?”
Q. Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
A. He thought he might get a kick out of it!
You know you are a horse-person when:
-You click to your car when you go up a hill.
-Your horse’s hair is in better condition than your own.
-You refer to your car as “my portable tack room”.
-You are exited when your friend tells you that there is a huge sale at the bridle shop, then you are disappointed when you realise they mean the bridal shop.
-You have the vet’s number but not your childs doctors on your speed dial.
-Your other half can track dirt into the house all they want, but god help them if they muddy up the tack room.
-Your house is a mess, but the barn is as neat as a pin.
-Your nice clothes are the ones without horse hair all over them.
Q. What is the difference between a horse and a duck?
A. One goes quick and the other goes quack!
Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: “I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!” he bragged. The next said with a snort, “Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!” Then the third horse spoke up proudly, “Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!” This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, “I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them.” The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, “Wow! A talking greyhound!”
Costa: The woman has undertaken a crazed new training regime where she appears, frothing at the mouth, four days a week to subject me to a r...
New Years resolutions. Is there a need? Life is punishing enough without willfully torturing yourself in the spirit of ‘new beginnings...